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Talking to Your Relatives About Addiction Recovery

Whether you’re meeting with people for the holidays or at a family reunion, being sober in these environments often feels a bit like entering a room where everyone is holding a different script, a megaphone, and a casserole. Some relatives mean well but get it wildly wrong. Others avoid the topic of addiction treatment like it’s suspicious Tupperware in the back of the fridge. And then, there are those who really want to help but somehow end up asking the most unhelpful questions—loudly, and usually during dessert.

The good news? With some preparation, a few boundaries, and a dash of humor, conversations with your relatives about addiction recovery can be manageable, and even surprisingly supportive. Here’s how to handle tricky topics politely, clearly, and without wanting to relocate to the moon.

  1. Start with the Basics: You Decide What You Share

Before you talk to any relatives, it’s helpful to decide what you’re willing to share and what’s off-limits. This saves you from blurting out personal details under pressure or being caught off guard by the dreaded, “So tell me exactly what happened?” Here’s a helpful phrase to keep handy:

  • “I’m glad you care. I’m only comfortable talking about the present right now, not the details of the past.”

You’re not being rude—you’re respecting your privacy. Think of it like choosing what to put on social media—you curate the feed, not Aunt Marge.

  1. Expect Questions and Create Pre-Approved Answers

Relatives often ask questions about addiction recovery because they’re concerned, curious, confused, or—let’s be honest—nosy. Instead of being flustered, prepare some template responses. 

For example, possible inquiries might include: 

  • “Are you better now?”
  • “So are you allowed to drink wine at Christmas?”
  • “How long is this whole recovery thing supposed to last?”

Try these polite but firm answers: 

  • “Recovery is a process, and I’m taking it seriously. I appreciate your support as I keep doing what works for me.”
  • “I’m choosing not to drink, and I’d love it if we could keep the focus on enjoying each other’s company instead.”
  • “I’m taking it one day at a time. No expiration date on self-improvement, right?”

These responses keep the mood calm and set the tone without giving relatives an opening to direct the conversation where you don’t want it to go.

  1. How Can You Redirect Conversations?

Our relatives often have magical abilities to steer chats into uncomfortable territory, even when they don’t mean to. For example, if someone says, “Well, no one in our family ever had a problem with drugs or alcohol,” you can smile and say:

  • “Oh, we all have our struggles. Anyway, how’s your new puppy?”

Or if someone decides they’ve suddenly become an addiction expert because they once watched a documentary, they might offer unsolicited advice, such as, “What you really need to do is cleanse your aura and juice carrots.”

Try:

Redirection helps you escape without escalating or offending.

  1. Can You Set Ground Rules for Gatherings?

Absolutely. If you’re in recovery or supporting someone who is, there are times when the environment isn’t ideal for deep discussions or explanations. Some relatives may forget—or ignore—what’s helpful and what isn’t. Setting boundaries in advance can prevent awkwardness later.

Here are a few examples:

  • “I’m not drinking right now, so please don’t offer me alcohol.”
  • “If the conversation starts to feel heavy, I may step outside for a breather.”
  • “I want to have a good time, so let’s keep things positive and supportive.”

Saying these things ahead of time means you won’t have to defend yourself with a mouthful of potato salad.

  1. Avoid the Shame Olympics

Some relatives have a special talent for bringing up the past at the worst possible moment—often with a captive audience. You don’t have to be on edge about it—just prepared. 

For instance, if someone says, “Remember that time you….” you can end the match before it begins with a response like: 

  • “I’m focused on today, and I’d love to keep things forward-looking.”

Humor also works wonders:

  • “Ah, yes, the prequel. I’m enjoying the reboot much more!”

This keeps the tone light while firmly steering the conversation back to the present.

  1. Know When to Give Yourself Space

If a relative can’t respect boundaries, it’s okay to excuse yourself from the situation. This isn’t dramatic—it’s healthy.

You can say:

  • “I care about our relationship, so I’m going to take a little break from this conversation before it gets stressful.”

Or if needed:

  • “I’m not comfortable talking about this right now. Let’s revisit when we’re both in a calmer space.”

These types of responses help you use skills from therapy. You’re choosing what keeps you grounded instead of getting pulled into old patterns.

  1. Celebrate Supportive Relatives in Your Life

Some relatives surprise you with their kindness, good questions, or willingness to listen instead of lecture. Give them credit! Tell them:

  • “Thank you for asking in a supportive way.”
  • “I appreciate how you handled that topic.”

Appreciating the relatives who show up for you and acknowledging their efforts solidifies them as part of your support circle, which is one of the most valuable parts of recovery.

Find More Support at Sobriety Centers of New Hampshire 

Talking to relatives about addiction recovery doesn’t have to feel like walking barefoot on Legos. With boundaries, humor, clarity, and preparation, you can guide the conversation in a way that feels respectful and safe—for you and for them. 

If you’re still uncertain about your recovery journey, the Sobriety Centers of New Hampshire specialize in high-quality, evidence-based treatment and continuing care. We have three locations to serve you: 

Call us if you need additional support or resources.